Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
