why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
