yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
