How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
