Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
