girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
