that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
