giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
