playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
