get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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