i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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