I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
