I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
