I want to make a zoo with you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
