never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
