I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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