god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
