Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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