i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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