Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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