Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
