I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
