just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
