oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
