Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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