I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
