how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
