Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
