Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
