:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
