I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
