i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
