oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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