i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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