Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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