As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My hand turned me down
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
