She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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