Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
