So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize