Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
