i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
