I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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