I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
