Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize