I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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