taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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