were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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