I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
