Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
