U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize