You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize