Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
