For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
