when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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