Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
