we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
