apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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