Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm always down for nudity.
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