this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
