i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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