i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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