? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
