I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
that is very illegal...i love you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
