Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize