I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
