i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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