i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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