Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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