oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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