The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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