Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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