I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
