Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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