Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
