your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
