Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I deserve this hangover.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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