sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
