My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
