My first STD was from a foam party
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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