Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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