Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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