I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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