she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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