I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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