get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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