I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
