Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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