i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
