I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
