Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize