and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
