You just made me feel so damn special
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
