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Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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