i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
