I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
