I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
