you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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