All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize