First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
