just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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