If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
