ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
