drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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