You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
