Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
