just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
