wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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