He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
