Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
