Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
