Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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