Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
