Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
